


Consequences

by Storyteller_Sam



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 12x09, Episode: s12e09 First Blood, Gen, Hurt Sam Winchester, Hurt/Comfort, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Torture, Protective Dean Winchester, Season/Series 12
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-07-17
Updated: 2017-07-17
Packaged: 2018-12-03 11:57:39
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,603
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11531742
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Storyteller_Sam/pseuds/Storyteller_Sam
Summary: Set right after 12x09. What if Sam and Dean weren't as okay as they seemed? What if dying at the hands of a reaper took more of a toll on them as depicted in the show? What if the pact they made with Billie had immediate consequences?This is my version of the aftermath of the boys' deal with the reaper.





	Consequences

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys! This is the first part of my version of First Blood. I actually wrote it right after watching the episode and never really continued with it. So I found it today and thought, why not give it a try. So that's what I'm doing now. Since I wrote the first chapter before the next episode was aired, opinions and reactions to the deal and Castiel killing Billie might be very different from the show. Please give it a try and let me know what you think!

Chapter 1:  
The drive home had been quiet. Mary was driving the car with Dean sitting shotgun and Castiel and Sam in the back. Dean was thankful that Mary had offered to drive since he still felt like shit. As soon as he had slipped into the seat he felt the tiredness creeping over him. Because of all the adrenalin, he hadn’t even realized how exhausted he really was after waking up from the dead. Again. He sighed. Their lives were just so screwed up.  
He saw his Mom casting a worried glance at him and at Sam through the rear mirror. He smiled at her and squeezed her shoulder to ensure her that everything was alright and she smiled back. Her body relaxed and she turned her attention to the road. Dean smiled again noticing how relieved his mother was about how everything had worked out for them. And he had to admit that he was relieved too. He didn’t think that he could have forgiven himself if his Mom had sacrificed herself for them. The situation had been bad enough as it was.  
He had known that there was no way on earth for them to get out of there alive. In the beginning he hadn’t really believed that the guys would go through with the whole nothing-is-the-best-torture-method thing but when they did he quickly realized that it worked. After one week of nothing he had been ready to climb the walls and punch the first person to come into his cell in the face. But except for the guy who brought the food, no one ever came. His head had hurt because of all the thinking he did and at some point he hadn’t been able to control his thoughts anymore. He had had to think about things he had sworn he would never think about ever again. Like hell, his time with Lisa and Ben and how he had had their memories of him erased, Benny, who was back in Purgatory because of him, and every single person he hadn’t been able to save. Like Sammy. He had promised to look after Sammy and now he had failed him too. Again. He hadn’t been able to stop thinking about how Sam was doing and whether he was okay. He had been pretty sure that the FBI guys used the same technique on Sam and that couldn’t be good. Dean still remembered the time when Sam couldn’t be in a room without the TV or radio on, just because he couldn’t stand the silence. If Dean was thinking about all his faults, Sam would be eaten up with guilt. And most likely also blaming himself for things that weren’t even his fault. Being locked up in a small cell with no one to talk to and no one to distract him from his own thoughts would bring back memories of the darkest times in Sam’s life. And Dean had been afraid what that would do to his brother. He couldn’t see him suffering like that again. He just couldn’t.  
And that had been the moment when he made his decision. He called for Billie and made a deal that she would kill them both and bring them back later so that they could escape the facility. They had sealed the deal with their blood and at midnight one of them had to die. Since they hadn’t really had the time to talk about it, they hadn’t agreed on who was going to do it. Of course, Dean had wanted to do it and would have sacrificed himself for his brother but he knew that Sam felt the same way. There had been no way they would agree on one of them. So Dean had tried not to think about it and had just hoped that he would be the first one to tell Billie that he wanted to go. Now that Cas had made a decision for them and killed Billie, all he felt was relief. He realized that the deal hadn’t been very well thought-out. What if Mary had killed herself and Cas hadn’t stepped in when he did. What if Billie hadn’t chosen him but Sammy? What would he have done? He wouldn’t have been able to bring him back this time. Now that they were finally back to being brothers again, now that their Mom was there, now that they were somehow kind of okay. He didn’t know.  
Instinctively, he looked over to Cas. His hands had fallen into his lap and he was staring out the window. Dean had forgiven Cas for everything he had done to them a long time ago but after what he had done today, he was sure that he would forgive him for everything again.  
He knew that he should probably be angry with him because now they had no clue what the outcome of his action would be. Billie had said that there would be consequences on a cosmic scale if they broke the deal. But Castiel had killed her and he didn’t know if that meant that they broke the deal.  
But right now, he couldn’t find it in him to care. It was funny how the angel, who didn’t even understand the most obvious signs of human communication sometimes, had held a speech about how the world needed every Winchester and how much he personally needed them too. When he first got to know him, Castiel had known nothing about human needs, feelings, nothing about family. Now Dean was touched by how much they really meant to him and how much he did for them. He made a mental note to thank Cas again later - he realized that he took his help for granted too often. Dean pulled a face and turned back to the front. This was a horrible chick-flick moment. He really needed to get some sleep. 

 

“We’re there. “  
Someone nudged him softly by the shoulder and Sam woke up in the backseat of the Impala. “Thanks“, he said to Cas and got out of the car. The sudden movement made him feel dizzy and he had to hold on to the car to not fall over.  
“Sam, are you okay? “, he heard Cas’ worried voice.  
“We were killed and brought back to life again today, Cas. That makes a man tired.” Dean said and gave Cas a smile. “We’ll be fine by tomorrow. Just need a couple of hours of goodnight sleep in a real bed. “  
Cas didn’t seem convinced but he let it go. Sam was thankful for that. He just wanted to go to his room and get some sleep. Dean was right, dying had been exhausting and the only reason why he had kept going for so long was because he had to. When Mary asked if there was anything she could do for them, he gave her a tired smile and declined. He really just wanted to sleep and take something for the headache but then he decided to take a quick shower first. He needed to wash the smell of that damp, cold cell out of his hair. Besides, he was sweaty and his hair was disgusting and all of that just reminded him of their captivity. And he really didn’t need a reminder right now. So he grabbed some clothes, and stepped into the slightly too hot shower since he still couldn’t bring himself to shower under cold water after the event with Toni. Massaging his temples with his hands he wished that he could wash away all the thoughts and memories in his head and drain them with the water. Being locked up had brought back memories and feelings of the worst times of his life. It had taken him everything to not lose it in that cell. Memories of Lucifer talking to him, singing to him, not letting him sleep.  
Sam stepped out of the shower. He dried himself off with a towel and then looked at his pale face in the mirror. He had lost some weight. Not a lot but enough for Sam to notice. In the beginning he had been able to ignore the maggots in his food knowing that it was just a memory of what Lucifer had made him see but the more time had gone by the less he had trusted himself. So he’d kept trying to eat the food but had ended up only eating the bread and the closed yoghurt pot.  
In the end the only thing that had kept him sane was the pain. He had found a sharp piece of metal that had stuck out at a corner of the bed and whenever it’d become too much he had used it as a blade on his forearms.  
Sam opened the drawer underneath the sink and grabbed the first aid kit. He was glad that they were now keeping one in every room they were using, since he didn’t want to meet any one in the hallways with cuts all over his arms. That would only make Dean worry about him when there was absolutely nothing to worry about. He applied the bandages on both arms, pulled a long-sleeved shirt over his head and made his way towards his bedroom. He took some aspirin for the headache and sunk onto his pillows with an exhausted sigh.  
We’re out and we’re fine, Sam thought while pushing away all the thoughts spinning in his head. We only need a long, good-night sleep and then we can focus on the important things tomorrow.

Oh, he didn’t know how wrong he was.

**Author's Note:**

> Yeah, so this is the first chapter! Let me know what you think of it and what you think might happen next! Next chapter up soon... :)


End file.
